Laugh it off !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From 'Let Me Explain':

1. "Everybody assumes because you went through a divorce you went through a (expletive) up period of life, you're enemies, you hate each other. It's not true....She's happy. She's moved on. I'm happy. I've moved on. I'm happier than she is, though."

2. "There's nothing worse than telling a dumb-ass lie and getting caught telling a dumb-ass lie....I'm in my car, I'm driving. My boy calls me, I pick up. 'Yo, Kevin, what up?' Instantly I lie. 'Dude, I can't be on the phone like that. I'm out of the country. I'm trying not to have a high-ass phone bill.' He said, '(Expletive), ain't that you at the stop light right there in front of me?' I'm so oblivious in lying I waved. 'What's up man?'"

3. "I'm in New York. I'm at the airport. I'm in baggage claim. This girl sees me, she goes off....'Can you do me a favor? Can you wait here for like, 30 minutes? My mom is about to land. She'd love to get a picture with you.' I'm like, '(Expletive) yeah, I'll wait. Go get her' As soon as she left, I took off. (Expletive), I'm not waiting here for some 30 minutes, waiting for your (expletive) mom."

4. "I'm a (expletive) liar. If I'm late, something drastic happened. 'Yo, dude, sorry I'm late. I was on the highway, and this (expletive) baby started running on the highway. Yeah, I know right, (expletive)'s crazy. So I got out of the car and started chasing the baby.'"

5. "Lying ruined my (expletive) marriage. That's a lie. I cheated."

6. "Reality doesn't hit you about how bad the single life is until you call your friends to go out, and on that night, none of your friends are available, because they're out with their women. 'Yo, what up boy? Whatcha trying to do tonight?' 'Oh, man, I ain't doing nothing. It's cupcake Tuesdays. Me and my lady, we make cupcakes. Red velvet. I get to lick the bowl and everything.' 'Lick the bowl? Man, get the (expletive) off my phone.' 'Hey, don't be mad at me 'cause you ain't got no bowl to lick.'"

7. "You know what, I need to get my lady back. This is what I do. 'Babe, I got an idea to get the spark back in our relationship. We should both take ecstasy one time....It's going to make us talk, we're going to have sex, it's going to be the best.' She said fine. She takes the pill. Her pill gives her all the right reactions. I take the pill. My pill made me believe that I was a drug dealer....We were talking, she was like, 'Babe, I just want to be happy. I just want the disrespect to stop.' 'Let me tell you something, you're worried about disrespect? What you need to worry about is how I'm going to deliver this kilo of cocaine to (expletive) Pablo....Where do you think I get all this money from? Jokes?...You think I'm out here making funny money? (Expletive), I'm in the game, I'm out here in the (expletive) streets.'"

8. "The scariest (expletive) in the world to me are bum hands....I'm willing to bet you all any amount of money right now, if you all walk out after this show, and a bum come up to you, and flick your lip, that you kill yourself tonight."